When Empty Nests Become No Nests
– written by Mary Krauel, published in Go 55 Plus Magazine
It used to be that couples faced the emotional separation of children as they left the nest with joy, anxiety and yes loss together. But for the new-generation of empty-nesters, divorce is increasingly common.
This “Grey Divorce” epidemic is reported to be the fastest growing divorce category in North America. Some experts say these rates will keep going up as the Baby Boomer generation continues to age. Among people ages 50 and older, the divorce rate has doubled in the US over the past two decades according to research by Susan Brown of Bowling Green State University.
Is this a second mid-life crisis?
People did not wake up one morning after 25 plus years of marriage and decide to divorce. Unrest, unhappiness, lack of fulfillment, no intimacy is cited as having existed long before. Most likely these couples stayed together for the sake of their children and now that they were gone there was nothing left but strangers. They no longer had a common interest and were not prepared to spend the next 25 years discontented. Likely retired or reaching retirement, work was no longer something you could submerge yourself. Incompatibilities are highlighted when a couple is thrown into 24/7 contact.
A study conducted by American Association of Retired Persons found that “almost 30% spoke of loneliness and depression and almost half expressed fear of being alone.” This is particularly true for women if they have been homemakers and caregivers to their family. The empty nest syndrome is magnified when they are not only alone, but the matrimonial home to which they have significant emotional attachment is no longer affordable. Even the nest is gone.
Financial Impacts Need Careful Planning and Attention
It is critical that couples over 55 who are considering divorce carefully choose professionals who will be able to help them develop not only financial plans but life plans. As empty nesters they don’t have to worry about child support or getting their children established in their own careers. However, they have unique financial issues.
- Going from double-income to a one income household is tough at any age. But for seniors living off fixed income will be even greater. They are not in their asset gathering years; they are in their asset-depleting years.
- CIBC and Harris Decima in a poll found that 59% of retired Canadians are in debt. How will debts be paid?
- Women over 50 who need to supplement income will have to deal with age discrimination when it comes to jobs, especially if they’ve been home taking care of the kids and don’t have a career. They may need to consider going to school for careers that are not dependent on age or 4 year degrees.
- Dividing income bearing assets equitably
- Health care costs and home care
- High costs of divorce – mediation would help preserve net worth
It’s time to take control. Get a new nest. Start a new life. Your best years are still ahead.
Mary Krauel, Senior Negotiator/Mediator – PRM Mediation – www.PRMmediation.com
Divorce, Corporate, and Elder Care Issues – Serving Southwestern Ontario from Mississauga and London.
